Everyone can be taught to sculpt: Michelangelo would have had to be
taught how ___^H^H^Hnot to.  So it is with the great programmers.

Little known fact about Middle Earth: The Hobbits had a very sophisticated
computer network!  It was a Tolkien Ring...

Mommy, what happens to your files when you die?
%
One good reason why computers can do more work than people is that they
never have to stop and answer the phone.

... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that,
lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of
their C programs.
                -- Robert Firth

"I'd love to go out with you, but I'm converting my calendar watch from
Julian to Gregorian."

A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours.
		-- Milton Berle

When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't.

Technological progress has merely provided us with more efficient means
for going backwards.
		-- Aldous Huxley

If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out.
		-- Oscar Wilde, "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use
		of the Young"

The universe is an island, surrounded by whatever it is that surrounds
universes.

Information is the inverse of entropy.

It's not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.
		-- Phil White

With clothes the new are best, with friends the old are best

Nothing lasts forever.
Where do I find nothing?

The herd instinct among economists makes sheep look like independent thinkers.

Klingon phaser attack from front!!!!!
100% Damage to life support!!!

Spock: The odds of surviving another attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.

Quantum Mechanics is God's version of "Trust me."

I'm a soldier, not a diplomat.  I can only tell the truth.
		-- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3198.9

Did you hear that there's a group of South American Indians that worship
the number zero?

Is nothing sacred?

They are called computers simply because computation is the only significant
job that has so far been given to them.

As far as the laws of mathematics refer to reality, they are not
certain, and as far as they are certain, they do not refer to reality.
                -- Albert Einstein

Tact, n.:
        The unsaid part of what you're thinking.

Support bacteria -- it's the only culture some people have!

The early worm gets the late bird.

A sine curve goes off to infinity, or at least the end of the blackboard.
                -- Prof. Steiner

The solution to a problem changes the nature of the problem.
                -- Peer

The best diplomat I know is a fully activated phaser bank.
                -- Scotty

MATH AND ALCOHOL DON'T MIX!
	Please, don't drink and derive.

	Mathematicians
	Against
	Drunk
	Deriving


Experience varies directly with equipment ruined.

Chemist who falls in acid is absorbed in work.

Courage is grace under pressure.

The following statement is not true.  The previous statement is true.

Entropy isn't what it used to be.

If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.

I have hardly ever known a mathematician who was capable of reasoning.
		-- Plato

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
		-- John Kenneth Galbraith

Biology is the only science in which multiplication means the same thing
as division.

In Nature there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences.
		-- R.G. Ingersoll

The best defense against logic is ignorance.

A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
		-- P. Erdos

Arithmetic is being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.
		-- Mickey Mouse

He keeps differentiating, flying off on a tangent.

In Nature there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences.
		-- R.G. Ingersoll

When Alexander Graham Bell died in 1922, the telephone people interrupted
service for one minute in his honor.  They've been honoring him intermittently
ever since, I believe.
		-- The Grab Bag

"Irrationality is the square root of all evil"
		-- Douglas Hofstadter

Jones' Motto:
	Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate.

"Yeah, but you're taking the universe out of context."

The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlight of an approaching train.

We cannot command nature except by obeying her.
		-- Sir Francis Bacon

Nasrudin walked into a teahouse and declaimed, "The moon is more useful
than the sun."
        "Why?", he was asked.
        "Because at night we need the light more."

Westheimer's Discovery:
	A couple of months in the laboratory can frequently save a
	couple of hours in the library.

When some people discover the truth, they just can't understand why
everybody isn't eager to hear it.

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists.
		-- John Kenneth Galbraith

The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.

The universe does not have laws -- it has habits, and habits can be broken.

Radioactive cats have 18 half-lives.

Progress means replacing a theory that is wrong with one more subtly wrong.

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.

UNIX is like a wigwam: no windows, no gates, apache inside, stable.

There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government
working for you.
                -- Will Rogers

I've already got a female to worry about.  Her name is the Enterprise.
		-- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.0

The only person who always got his work done by Friday was Robinson Crusoe.

Did you hear that two rabbits escaped from the zoo and so far they have
only recaptured 116 of them?

Writing software is more fun than working.

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.  In practice,
there is.

Most rock journalism is people who can't write interviewing people who
can't talk for people who can't read.
                -- Frank Zappa

October 12, the Discovery.

It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss
it.
		-- Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's Calendar"

Heisenberg may have slept here...

Time is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen at once.

Space is nature's way of making sure that everything doesn't happen to you.

	"How many people work here?"
	"Oh, about half."

Always try to do things in chronological order; it's less confusing that way.

A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet (sort of).

"Security is mostly a superstition.  It does not exist in nature... Life is 
either a daring adventure or nothing."
-- Helen Keller

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if
I had any firearms with me.  I said, "Well, what do you need?"
		-- Steven Wright

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

The perversity of nature is nowhere better demonstrated by the fact that, when
exposed to the same atmosphere, bread becomes hard while crackers become soft.

I have a theory that it's impossible to prove anything, but I can't prove it.

Isn't it strange that the same people that laugh at gypsy fortune
tellers take economists seriously?

An ion walks into a bar, and says to the bartender: I think I left an electron
here last night
The bartender responds: Are you positive?

