  	_*Santa Goes to heaven*_
Santa Singh was in the hospital, near death, so the family sent for his
friend Banta. As Banta singh stood beside the bed, santa Singh's frail
condition grew worse, and he motioned frantically for something to write
on. Banta singh lovingly handed him a pen and piece of paper, and Santa
used his last ounce of strength to scribble a note. Then he died. Banta
singh thought it best not to look at the note just then, so he slipped
it into his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, Banta
singh was visting Santa's family. He realized that he was wearing the
same jacket that he'd worn the day Santa died. "You know," he said,
"Santa handed me a note just before he died. I haven't read it, but
knowing Santa, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all."
He unfolded the note and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube!"

_*Santa & Banta*_
Santa Singh was walking on the road and paused to read the graffiti on
the wall. It read "Padne waala gadha."(one who reads it is an ass.)
Santa Singh thought for an hour, erased it and wrote back,"Likhne waala
gadha."(One who wrote it is an ass).

Mrs. Banta Singh was in the habit of having long conversation on the
telephone, sometimes going on over an hour. One day she hung up after 25
minutes."What is the matter today? asked her husband. "Today you had
less than half an hour conversation on the phone." "I got a wrong
number," replied Mrs. Banta Singh.

Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted
area. The judge asked him if he had anything to say in his defence.
"They should not put up such misleading notices,"said Banta Singh." It
said , "FINE FOR PARKING HERE."

A haryanavi peasant came to the office of The Hindustan Times to place
an advertisement announcing his father's death. "The rate is Rs. 360 per
single col. cm," the clerk told him. "Main to lut jaoonga - I 'll be
ruined," exclaimed the haryanavi. "My father was 182 cms tall."

Rajsi complained to his friend about his wife ' My wife never agrees
with anything I say. And we have been married for six years .' Mrs Rajsi
intervened, ' Not six we have been married for seven years !

A Sardarji, very proud of his humour used to say to his wife leaving for
the office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa' . One day his wife fed up of
this answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke Baap'. That ended the
husband's witticisms.

Avtar & Kartar used to stay in same building . Avtar on the Ground floor
& Kartar on the 25thfloor. One day when the lift was not working, Kartar
invited Avtar for a Dinner. Avtar trudged up to 25th floor to find
Kartar's flat closed from outside and had a note which read : 'How did
you enjoy your dinner ? ' Not to be outdone , Avtar wrote under it,
'Sorry , I could not make it .'

'Take me to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as he entered the lift of
a high rise bulding. When the lift reached its destination, the liftman
opened its gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.' 'Why did you call me
beta?' demanded Banta Singh. D'I am not your son.' I called you beta
because I brought you up,' replied the liftman.

The collector asked Banta Singh for his rail ticket. Banta Singh
searched his pockets but could not find it. 'Never mind,' reassured the
collector, ' I will take your word that you bought your ticket.' 'That
is very kind of you,' replied Banta Singh,'but if I don't find it, I
want to know where to get off.'

Santa Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of glasses they have made. The top
is closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?' Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's
funny. And even if you make a hole at the top, how will the lassi stay
in the glass when the bottom is open?'

Sardarji ( to doctor ) : Doctor, I have a problem.
Doctor : What's your problem?
Sardarji : I keep forgetting things.
Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?
Sardarji : What problem?

_*Letter*_

Letter from mother to son Santa Singh. Pyare Puttar, Vahe Guru. I am
writing this letter slow, because I know you can't read fast. We do not
live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the paper that
most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved. I wont be
able to send you the address as the last Sardar who stayed here took the
numbers with them for their next house, so they would not have to change
their address. This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine.
I am not sure it works too well. Last week I put 3 shirts, pulled the
chain and haven't seen them since then. The weather here isn't too bad.
It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained 3 days, and the
second time for 4 days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt
said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with all the
buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket. We got another
bill from the funeral home. It said if we don't make the last payment on
grandma's funeral, he will come up again. Your father has another job.
He has 500 men under him. He is cutting grass at the cemetery . Your
sister had a baby this morning. I haven't found out whether it's a girl
or a boy, so I don't know whether you are an Aunt or Uncle. Your uncle
Jatinder fell in a whisky vat. Some men tried pulling him out, but he
fought them off and drowned. We cremated him and he burned for three
days. There is not much more news this time. Nothing much has happened.
LoveMom. P.S. I was going to send you some money but the envelope was
already sealed.

_*Great Sardarjee*_

A Sardar took an answering machine home and fixed it home somewhere
in Rajasthan,but two days later disconnected it because he was getting
complaints like "Saala phone utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" ( "he
picks up the receiver and then says he is not at home" )

_*Two horses*_

Santa and Banta had just bought two horses.Now the problem was that they
could not differenciate between the two horses.So,one day Santa cuts the
left ear of his horse, so that it is easy to know that it is his
horse.While doing so,an enemy of Santa looks at him.This enemy also cuts
the left ear of banta.By doing so santa and banta come in confusion to
differenciate. So, next thing santa keeps on cutting his horse's right
ear , then his tail , then makes him blind and so on .And the enemy also
kept on doing so with banta's horse.At last Santa's horse had no legs
left and banta's horse was with one leg only .The enemy also went and
cut banta's horse one leg. So, in the morning it was the same sitaution
, How to diffrenciate thier horses.So, after thinking and putting lots
of effort to thier mind - Santa said - O.K You keep the black one and i
will keep the white .

_*I Spy*_

A dipper and a gora are sitting beside each other on a plane. It was a
long flight to India so the gora said:"Let's play a game." The dipper
said sure. The gora said let's play I spy. The dipper said sure. The
gora started. He said I spy with my little eye something black. The
dipper said suitcase? He was right. Then he said I spy with my little
eye something that starts with the letter B. The gora looked hard for
about ten minutes. Then finally he gave up .He said what was it. The
dipper said look stupid gora "bindow"!

_*The tunnel joke*_

.......... Everybody knows the famous under creek/sea tunnel joining
England and France. Before it's construction, the tenders were invited
from various construction companies by giving newspaper ads throughout
the world. Banta Singh came across one such ad and he decided to fill
the tender. On the day of opening the tenders everybody was surprised to
find Banta Singh's tender at it's very lowest. Other tenders were
quoting billions of pounds, Banta Sing had offered to do the job for
just 10000 pounds. Now , as per the rule Banta was to get the contract.
Before giving works order to Banta Singh, the officer asked BantaSingh
as to how he could afford to work at such a low budget. Banta Singh
said,"look, back home, there is my brother, Santa Singh.I will call him
here. We will take two shovels. I will start diging from English bank
and Santa Singh will start digging from French bank. The moment we meet,
you get a tunnel." The dumbstruck officer asked with courage," and if
you don't meet?" Banta Singh replied," then you will get two tunnels in
same cost."

_*UNIBROW'S*_
WHY DO PUNJABI'S HAVE CONNECTED EYE BROWS?
ANS: TO KEEP THE SAND OUT OF THEIR EYE'S!

_*Bus ride*_

Santa Singh and Banta Singh landed up in Bombay. They managed to get
into a double-decker bus. Santa Singh somehow managed to get a bottom
seat, But unfortunate Banta got pushed to the top. After a while when
the rush is over, Santa went upstairs to see friend Bannta Singh. He met
Banta in a bad condition clutching the seats in front with both hands,
scared to death. He says, "Are Banta Singh ! What the heck's goin' on?
Why are you so scared ? I was enjoying my ride down there ? Scared Banta
replies. "Yeah, but you've got a driver."

_*Air travel*_

One sardu was going to Chandigarh from pune by a air-india plane.He was
alloted the middle seat of one of the 3-seats array. But as soon as the
sardarji got into the plane, he sat on the window side seat which was
actually for an old lady.After some time the old lady came and requested
the sardarji to leave the side seat.But the sardaji told:"I want to see
the view from the window and shall not leave". The old lady then
complained to the air hostess .The air hostess came and requested the
sardarji to leave that seat.But sardarji was adament and did not
leave.Then the air hostess went and told the asst capt.He also came and
requested,but in vain.Finally the Captain came.He whispered something in
the ears of the sardarji,and the sardarji immedietly left the side seat
and returned to the middle seat. Astonished,the airhostess and the asst.
capt. asked the capt afterwards what he told to the sardarji.Capt. told
:"nothing.Ijust told him that only the middle seats will go to
Chandigarh.All others will go to Jalandhar."

_*No formalities*_

Elizabeth Taylor once boarded a plane. Everybody around greeted her.
Since the plane was crowded she had difficulty in finding a seat. She
saw our Sardar Balwinder Singh who was sitting next to a vacant seat.She
went up to him and introduced herself saying in her cool sexy voice,
"Hi, I am Elizabeth Taylor... Liz to you." Balwinder was bewildered but
immediately responded, "Hi I am Balwinder .. Balls to you."

_*Santa's ferrari*_

Santa singh shows up at his friend Banta Singh's Place in a Brand New -
Red Ferarri.
Banta: Wow Banta, ke gaddi hai (What a car)Kithon laiye (where did you
get it from)
Santa:Main highway te lift mung reha se ... Gori Mem aaee te meine kende
"want a ride Mr. Singh" I hopped in, and she took me to the woods. Once
in woods she got outside took off clothes and said to me "Mr Singh. take
anything"
Banta is quite excited and asks "tu ke keeta Santa "
Santa: Mian gaddi lai layee. (I took the car)
Banta: Changa keeta kapde tenu fit bhi nahi aane se (good showyou
wouldn't have fit into her clothes)

_*Side A -Side B*_

Once Santa Singh and Banta Singh were going in a jungle, Suddenly they
saw one tiger comming towards them. To save themselves they climbed a
tree and both sat on one branch. The tiger came under the tree and sat
down. Santa told Banta " Yaar just to pass Time Why don't you sing some
song" Banta Singh started to sing. After singing four songs Banta hanged
upside down on the branch and then again sung four songs. After singing
all the songs he Banta came back to his original position. Santa asked
curiosly "Yaar Bantya, You sung four songs sitting in upright position
and next four songs you sat upside down, Why did you do that?" Banta
told " Yaar First four songs were from side A and the other four were
from Side B"

_*Sweet Revenge*_

Santa Singh told his wife that after his death she should marry Banta
Singh. "But why should I marry Banta who is your enemy no 1" enquired
his wife. Santa quipped, "Oh Darling, this is the only way I can take my
revenge from that useless fellow. Ha! Ha! Ha!!

_*Kele ka Chilka*_

Santa Singh was walking down the street when he saw a banana peel on the
roadside. He exclaimed in disgust."saala!!! aaj phir girna padega!!!!
(damn!!! i have to fall again today!!)

_*FILM*_

Banta singh was telling his friend,"yesterday my wife and i had a
terrible quarrle.i wanted to go to the club& she wanted to go to the
movies." Which film did u c ???asked his friend.

*_Employment_*

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly
filled the columns titled NAME, AGE, ADDRESS etc. Then he came to the
column Salary Expected: He was not sure as to what to be filled there.
After much thought he wrote: Yes

*Logic*

Zailsingh decided to write the MBA exam. He could understand every thing
except for the LOGIC part. One day when he was reading, Rajiv came home.
Rajiv: Zailsinghji How is your MBA preparation?
Zail Singh: Every thing is fine, but I could not understand Logic.
Rajiv: Logic is very easy.
Zailsingh: Can you give me an example, so that I can understand.
Rajiv: OK. Do you have fish pot in your house?
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be water in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, there will be fish in it.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: Logically, someone will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: I take a guess that your wife will be feeding the fish.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: so, logically, your are married.
Zail: YES.
Rajiv: So, that means U are a heterosexual.
Zailsingh was very glad and he understood logic. Next day he sees
Butasingh and he was also preparing for MBA.
Zail: How is your MBA preparation?
Buta: Everything is fine except for the logic.
Zail: Oh, logic is easy.
Buta: Please, give me an example.
Zail: Do you have a fish pot in your house?
Buta: NO, I don't.
Zail: Saala HOMO!!!
 

